


All Within

by Dancingsalome



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-03 00:46:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2832035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancingsalome/pseuds/Dancingsalome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had forgotten about the girl in the cellar. Lucius Malfoy is given a price, but Luna Lovegood is not an ordinary girl and perhaps Lucius isn't quite who he was either. Not exactly a romance. An AU-fic taking place after Deathly Hallows. Non-explicit, non-violent NC. Luna is turning seventeen sometime during this fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter contains a scene of non-consensual sex, though it's neither graphic nor violent. 
> 
> The title comes from a quote: "My grief lies all within, And these external manners of lament Are merely shadows to the unseen grief That swells with silence in the tortured soul" ~ William Shakespeare

He had forgotten about the girl in the cellar.

That Harry Potter had been forced to retreat with very few of his friends after the battle at Hogwarts and that the Dark Lord’s future victory felt very certain, ought to have filled Lucius Malfoy with joy. That he was once again in Voldemort’s good graces, should have been the cause of pride, but even if he went through all the duly motions of gratefulness, all he felt was numbness. This moment that he had longed and strived for, meant nothing, because he had no family left. Draco had succumbed to a vicious fire inside the school. Though the flames had spared his body, it had eaten up his lungs. Narcissa lay by her son, in death still grasping his hand and Lucius felt no grief either, only emptiness that felt like a mercy, because it prevented him to feel.

He returned home, dismissed all the servants and wandered though the rooms, frantically using his newly acquired wand to remove all traces of his wife and son. He couldn’t bear to even enter the bedroom he had shared with Narcissa for their whole marriage, choosing a room in the guest wing to sleep in instead. Only then did he remember what the Dark Lord had said in his cold voice after Draco’s death.

“Such a promising boy- a pity. But you can beget other sons. The Lovegood girl are still kept at your home, isn’t she? She’s young and healthy and suitable to breed with.”

Lucius hadn’t thought about it, not until he had run out of tasks to keep his mind from turning to what he didn’t have any more. Ollivander had been removed and he realized that the only living beings left where he and the girl. He hadn’t set eyes on her in weeks and now when he had her just as he had wanted, he felt no taste for it. The anger he had felt, the fantasies of making her cringe under his touch, had all abated. It should have been with Narcissa he was going to seduce one of Potter’s friends. It was with Narcissa’s approval that he had wanted to teach her a lesson for her insolence, and now his wife was gone. For a moment he was dangerously close to think about how much he had loved her- how much he still loved her, but he pushed those thoughts away and went down to the cellar to claim the price that he no longer wanted.

Luna didn’t say anything when he told her to come; she went with him in silence, but no apparent fear. He brought her to his bedroom and ordered to take bath, which she obeyed quite eagerly. That he could understand, she was actually disgustingly dirty after her time in the cellar. He paced the room while he waited for her, not feeling altogether sure on how to treat her.

She returned wrapped in a bath towel, stopping close to the door and looking straight at him. Her even stare unnerved him and he stepped close to her and removed the towel. She was very thin, too thin for his taste, but her body was also young and fresh, her skin very white and smooth. He kissed her, her lips were soft and yielding and tasted like honey and he could feel a stirring of lust for her, despite it all.

Lucius had expected her to resist him, perhaps even to try to fight back, to cry or beg, but she didn’t even flinch when he steered her towards the bed. He had prepared to subdue her, to force her- part of him wanted to hurt her, but instead he found himself making love to her. She seemed almost unsubstantial under his hands and he grasped her more and more eagerly, suddenly wanting her very badly. It was sweeter than he had expected and after he fell asleep and slept without dreams until dawn.

He woke up, at first not knowing where he was in the unfamiliar room. For a moment he wondered why he felt such dread for the coming day, but then memory returned and he sat up gasping for air as the enormity of his loss for a when raged free through his mind. Gone, they were gone and how were he to bear it and then he realized that Luna was gone too, and he forced himself to focus on that. A slip of a girl, who tried to elude him, that he could cope with. That he could be angry with, but his mounting anger came to a full stop when he found her in the bathroom, sleeping on the rug. His relief made him wake her up more brusquely than necessary.

“You will sleep in my bed and nowhere else, do you understand?”

She gave her a tiny nod and he led her back to the bedroom, wondering what had made him say that. Did he really want this girl in his bed all night, every night? But it had felt good to hold her while he fell asleep and for a little while it had been easy to not think of all the things he didn’t want to think about. Back in his room he suddenly didn’t know what to do. What about clothes for her? The robes she had worn were not fit to use anymore. In the end he gave her one of his own shirts. Small as she was it almost reached to her knees.

“You can walk freely around the house and the gardens, as long as you don’t try to leave. There are wards that will stop you and you will not like the repercussions if you try to flee. As long as you can open a door, you allowed inside and you can amuse yourself as you see fit. I won’t be here much in daytime, but there are arrangements for food to be delivered in the dining room at mealtimes.”

Luna seemingly did not react to his speech, but it took Lucius several days to realize that she didn’t speak at all. Since he had fetched her from the cellar she had not said a single word and he could not make her. Not that he tried very hard. He found that her silence suited him well. The days were filled with whatever work the Dark Lord wished to have done and Lucius worked eagerly and hard, using it to push away his grief. In the nights he turned to Luna’s body for ease, choosing to take her silence for permission. For a short while, when he held her in his arms, he could feel peace of mind and it allowed him to sleep. In his heart he knew it was a lie, but it was easier to imagine otherwise. And for a while, he fooled himself very well.


	2. Chapter 2

Wizards born to money and privileges are used to getting their orders obeyed. But there are also all those things that they never have to give orders about, because they are done before they know they want it. Lucius only action after dismissing his staff had been to make sure that food, already prepared, arrived, because that was the only thing he thought about. It wasn’t until the day he reached into his wardrobe for a clean shirt and only found an empty shelf that he woke up to his surroundings. Surprised he looked around and suddenly saw the mess the bedroom had become. Discarded clothes had not been removed, but piled high on chairs. Dust lay everywhere and he watched it all with some amazement. He walked into his bathroom and noticed that it was quite grimy, though if he had known how a bathroom should be cleaned, he would have noticed that Luna must have kept the worst at bay here.

The man he saw in the mirror looked barely better than the room. How long had it been since he had actually looked at himself? He had let himself go, and he had long before the death of his family. Already shaken up from the daze he had more or less walked in since Hogwarts, Lucius could not stave off the thoughts on his family anymore. He leaned forward, his hand gripping the sink to keep him upright. It hurt so, it was like his chest constricted and tried to crush his heart. Every thought of them were unbearable, but to think of the day they died was the hardest. He forced himself to think of other times, the happiest times, instead. Narcissa, when they had only been married for a few weeks, giving him a secret smile over the dining table as his father droned on, over what Lucius couldn’t remember, because he had only seen the smile and the promises it held. Holding Draco to steady him on his first broom. One happy memory after another until the pain got so much that he punched his hand hard into the stone wall to make it stop.

The physical pain sobered him up. This was not how his life should have turned, but there was no excuse for looking like a beggar and living in something that was rapidly turning into a dump. He washed his face and then he carefully shaved and combed his hair. No more of this. He had his standards and though Narcissa was no longer there to look at him with approval and love, he could at least present himself as neatly as if she had.

Then he went to look for Luna. He realized that he had never thought on how she spent her days. She went up early, he usually woke up slightly when she slipped out of bed, and by the time he retreated for the night, she was always there before him. She must be doing something with her days, but what, Lucius couldn’t even fathom. He had a vague idea that teenage girls spent a lot of time making themselves as pretty as possible and that they giggled too much. He doubted very much that Luna ever giggled, least of all here. Feeling that it would be below his dignity to bellow her name in the hallways, he started to search for her methodically, opening door and after door. As he strode from room to room he cursed under his breath. Why hadn’t he kept her locked up? She had had free rein in his house for several weeks now, who knows what she could have destroyed while he was elsewhere. But he had been content that she was still there, that he had found her warm body in his bed every night. Well, that would change now.

He found her in an east-facing room at the ground floor. He had a dim recollection that the room had been used as a salon for visitors, strictly but tastefully furnished, so he was quite unprepared to what he stepped into. First he just saw a riot of colour, the sun streaming in through the huge windows, before he could make out any details. Luna had evidently collected ornaments and furniture from all over the house, picking styles and colours that ought to have crashed horrendously with each other, but oddly didn't. It was a warm and welcoming room and Lucius couldn't help to stop completely in his tracks. For a moment he felt that he had been apparated to someone else home, but then he spotted Luna curled up in a sofa by the window. She looked up from a book in her lap, clearly reading while she had her breakfast. On a low table beside her stood a teapot, a steaming cup of tea and a roll of bread or two. The somber dining room where the food appeared was clearly not to her taste and Lucius had to admit that the yellow sofa in the sunshine looked much more inviting.

As he watched her he realised that she had taken the question of clothes in hand as well. He hadn’t even remembered that he hadn’t provided her with anything but his shirt, but she was now neatly dressed in a pair of plain brown robes. Much too simple to have been anything else than something a servant had left behind, but she must have found the greenhouse too, as a yellow rose bloomed on her left shoulder. Her blond hair streamed down around her, blending itself with the sun. The effect was a bit odd, but also quite becoming and Lucius saw for the first time that she wasn’t just a pretty girl, but a young woman who could be striking if she wanted to.

He started to walk toward her, but halfway through the room he was distracted by a series of drawings that had been pinned to the expensive wallpaper. He stepped closer and saw that they depicted, by a remarkably talented hand, the people who must be Luna’s family and friend. He recognized without effort Potter himself as well as a couple of his friends. Everyone was smiling, sunny but unmoving faces that looked like they had no cares in the world. The only solemn face was that of Luna herself, the self-portrait stared without smile at Lucius and he hastily turned away from it. Only to meet the same steady gaze from the girl in the sofa. Luna had put the book aside and was looking up at him with an air of expectancy and he saw that behind the teapot, another cup stood empty. She couldn’t possibly have known he would come today, how many days had she arranged for two to have tea? She had waited for him and he, he had suddenly stumbled into this haven, something totally unexpected where he could sit down beside Luna in the sunshine and have a cup of tea and let the quiet presence of this strange girl soothe him.

If he had ever stopped to think of what she must feel for him, he would have said that she must hate him. She was his prisoner, his to do with what he liked, so surely she had to, but she didn’t look like she did. She looked serious, but he could not see, and he realised that he had never seen, any hate or contempt in her clear eyes. Lucius turned suddenly very angry. How dared she? How could it be that he, the conqueror walked around wrapped in misery and she, who ought to be defeated, didn’t seem so at all? How dared she create such a pleasant room place for herself? How dared she look so composed?

He pulled her up, shaking her so violently that the rose flew away. “What is this? Who gave you leave to wreak havoc amongst my things?” 

But even as he spoke, he knew that he made her an injustice. He had told her that she could do what she pleased with her days, and evidently she had. It was just that he hadn’t expected something like this. His fingers dug deeper into her arms, but even if it must be painful, Luna didn’t broke her silence and his anger surged.

”Why don’t you answer me? Why don’t you ever speak?” 

He shook her again, but then he saw himself, a grown man, behaving like an irrational goon just because a girl had moved a few things. Lucius felt very acutely that he was making a fool of himself and he let go of her. He needed to compose himself and very quickly, without looking at Luna again, he left the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little information about my updating schedule. This story is finished and a new chapter will be added after a certain amount of hits or kudos after an update, or one review, but no sooner than every fourth day.

After leaving Luna’s room, Lucius roamed his hallways in an effort to walk off his bad mood. He walked quickly, still steaming over her insolence when he was hit by a sudden revelation. There was a perfectly good reason behind Luna’s behavior and he ought to have realised it sooner. His prisoner was, after all, a pure blooded witch and naturally she would not succumb to despair or spending her time with futile attempts of escape as someone of less noble blood would. Take for instant that tiresome mudblood Granger, Lucius could easily imagine her screeching and trashing and taking every possibly moment to be subversive and being a nuisance and all in vain. Not like Luna. She had a dignity that clearly showed her superior heritage and had accepted her fate with poise and faith without losing trace of her loyalties. It was misplaced loyalties, true, but it still pointed toward a character of class. 

In coming to this uplifting insight, Lucius found himself in a better mood than he had been in for a long time, but with the servant problem still intact. The half-formed thought of using Luna for menial tasks was discarded without trace. Without being really conscious about it, Luna, in Lucius mind, became transformed from a convenient body to a lady that was entitled to certain privileges. That she could keep the room she had created for herself was not even a question. His mother had always had a private living room and so had his wife, of course Luna should have one as well, it was only proper.

The servant question still needed solving though. If he had still had his house elf, then this would not have been a problem at all and a thousand curses on Potter for robbing him of that piece of valuable property. Picking someone from those who fawned for the Death Eaters in hope of being elevated into their ranks, well, that would be easy enough. It would not do, though, it would not do at all. One peek into Luna’s room and tongues would wag. Lucius himself may well understand originality as something the upper ranks of society could indulge in, but he was not so sure that anyone else would be so understanding. Besides, the girl needed some kind of companion too. Lucius knew full well that it was ridiculous to keep his grand house practically empty, it was a house that demanded a full staff, but he still couldn’t bring himself to open it up again. The few rooms he and Luna occupied didn’t need more than one attendant and if he could find someone who could take care of Luna as well, then one servant was all he needed. 

Lucius continued to pace his house while mulling his problem over and over. Eventually he found a solution that to his mind saved all his problems. It needed some planning, though, before he could spring it into action and in the meantime he should continue to keep to his old standards as well as he could. He went back to Luna’s living room and found her still reading her book in the sofa. She looked up when he entered and put the book aside to hear what he had to say this time. Lucius found it pleasing that she seemed so unruffled despite his behavior earlier and added that to his mental list of proofs that his ideas about her character were right. 

“You will eat dinner with me tonight. In the dining room, seven o’clock and don’t be tardy.”

He didn’t wait to hear her not answering. She would come and he rather thought she would arrive punctually. As it turned out she did, and when she entered the room, she managed to surprise Lucius for the second time that day. Though he had dressed for dinner, Lucius had not asked Luna to do it, but she must have had a notion that it was to be done anyway. In her forays through the house to find things for her living room, she must have come across the storage for the robes that once had belonged to the Malfoy witches. She was dressed in a velvet robe in a pale blue green colour and Lucius recalled that a great-grandmother, several generations back, had been painted in it. The robe must have been made with an excellent fitting spell attached, as it looked as if it had been made especially for Luna and the colour, reminiscence of the sea, made her look like a mermaid. She had no jewelry and indeed she did not need it, but the yellow rose now adorned her hair. With the robes outdated fashion it ought to make the girl look like she was on her way to a masquerade, but she wore it so unconsciously that she looked perfectly natural and astonishingly beautiful.

Though he acknowledged to himself that Luna looked very lovely, Lucius kept that to himself and merely held out a chair for her to be seated. Her presence, even if he had ordered it himself, had given him the unexpected dilemma of dinner conversation. What did one talk about with a strange girl who didn’t speak to you? Still, something must be said and Lucius latched on to the drawings he had seen in the morning. He did know some things about art and during Narcissa's and his honeymoon they had traveled in Italy and France and he had the opportunity to study some of the great artworks that the most famous renaissance wizards had created, So Lucius talked about that and to his surprise he found that Luna was a very good listener. Though she maintained her silence, it was clear that she found the subject interesting and he found himself expanding and talking more than he had in a long time. 

Only after the meal had all but ended did he realise that he had left the subject of old paintings and sculptures and instead was telling Luna about Narcissa. He had spoken on what his wife had thought about their travels, what she had found delight in and then of the delight he had found in her. How beautiful he had thought Narcissa was and how perfect she had been for him. At that point he came to his senses and stopped abruptly. He told Luna to go to bed and proceeded, despite his morning’s decision to regain his standards, to drink himself into oblivion. For a little while his wife had felt alive and near him when he talked about her and now the emptiness came crushing down once more. He couldn’t have that; he simply could not have that. He would need to watch himself more carefully in the future and not let Luna’s clear eyes draw out of him what he rather kept inside.


	4. Chapter 4

Molly Prewett had been a student a few years older than Lucius, one of those pretty, vivid girls that everyone know who they are, but he had never really known her, despite her good lineage. And then she had married Arthur Weasley who had given Lucius so much more to fret over than to bother with a woman who seemed to devote all her time to her children. He had noted that she turned dull and plump, though now, in a dreary cell in Azkaban prison there wasn't much left of her plumpness and not much left of the red in her hair, either. Her face bore the marks of grief after losing both a son and her husband on the same ill-fated day that Lucius had lost his family. He felt no sympathy for her, however. She still had children and a family, when he had nothing left. But though dressed in threadbare robes and with bruises on her face and neck that spoke of the treatment a witch could suffer in Voldemort's prisoner, her eyes where the same warm brown and though they looked at him with weariness and suspicion, her imprisonment had clearly not broken her.

"You want me to take care of your house? Why?"

"Why? I should think it would be a more pleasant way to serve your imprisonment than here."

She gave him a shrewd glance. "Exactly. There is no love lost between our families, so why should you care about my well being? It isn't like you would have a hard time finding someone else, so there must be a reason for asking me."

Lucius sighed. He had to admit that he somewhat dreaded telling her, but it was something he must say, sooner or later. "Very well. After my wife's death, the Dark Lord saw my need for a new heir. There is currently a young woman residing with me, who I hope will bear me a new son in time. She is in need of some companionship, for which I think that you would be suitable."

"Why me, anyway? Molly's eyes narrowed dangerously when a new suspicion hit her. "Not my daughter again. Lucius Malfoy, if you have harmed Ginny in any way…"

"No, not your daughter. Luna Lovegood."

"Luna! She's as young as Ginny! What a disgusting man you are! How can you stoop so low that you rape a child just for some ridiculous family pride?"

Feeling that the interview was slipping out of his control, Lucius felt compelled to defend himself. "I have never hurt her! Do you think she would have fared better if I had declined? She wouldn't have been given a pat on her head and sent back to school, she would have been given to someone else. She could have ended up chained to a bed, broken and beaten, while I have treated her kindly and with as much freedom that I could possibly give her. I can assure you that she has not raised any objections to my treatment of her."

But Molly was not appeased. "Are you such a fool that you think that you only abuse someone if you use violence? You separate a young girl from her friends and family, and you think she appreciates your attention? Do you think she would dare to object the tiniest bit when she must be terrified that her actions might lead to repercussions against her father?"

Lucius, who up till this point had completely forgotten that Xenophilius Lovegood even existed, was completely taken aback. "I have never even suggested to Luna that her behaviour could affect her father. I never even considered it!"

"But does Luna know that?"

Lucius held up a hand. "Enough! That is not what I came here to discuss. Will you accept my proposition, or shall I leave?"

For a moment Molly looked like she would have liked to say a few things more about Luna, but she swallowed and nodded instead. "Yes, I accept. How could I possibly say no?"

When they came back to Malfoy Manor, Lucius handed over a wand to the surprised Mrs. Weasley.

"You are giving me a wand?"

"Don't get any ideas. This wand has been stunted. You can perform menial household tasks with it, but try to do something else and see what happens."

Molly's eyebrow rose, but then she quickly pointed it at him. "Expelliarmus!"

The effect was instant, but not the intended one; the wand flew from her hand into Lucius'. "You see?"

She rubbed her hand and grimaced. "I see. May I see Luna now?"

"Of course."

When they entered Luna's room, Molly rushed past him and embraced the girl fiercely. The effect the older woman's entrance had on Luna startled Lucius who had become used to her eternally serene expression, but now her face flushed with a sudden happiness as she returned the embrace. Feeling very superfluous, Lucius retreated. The joy he had seen on Luna's face had made him realize something that he until now hadn't thought about. When losing his family, he had lost the only people in the world who loved him. There were no one left to be happy when he entered a room and no one who would miss him when he was gone. It was a bleak thought and the knowledge that he might be respected did nothing to comfort him.

Then there was Molly's words about Luna that rankled him. He had never had to resort to cajoling a woman into his bed; they had always come, more than willingly. Knowing that he was a handsome man, he had assumed that when Luna was so compliant she had not been so averse to his advances after all. He had always faintly detested those Death Eaters who participated in rapes, feeling that a man who has to resort to brutal force was sorely lacking. Now Molly had placed him in the same boat and he did not like it at all. Later in the evening when he found Luna in the bedchamber, he decided to do something about it.

"It has occurred to me that you might wonder a bit about your father." Luna looked at him and Lucius could feel a sudden tension in the room. Without saying anything, it was clear that Luna was very keen indeed to hear news about her only parent. "He is still in Azkaban, but he is quite well. In fact, he will probably be released in a not too distant future, though he will not be allowed to run his paper anymore. You must understand that nothing you may do here will have any effect on what happens to him. He will not get a better treatment, but not a worse one either. You do understand that?"

Luna looked very intently at him as if she was determining if he was serious and eventually she nodded and gave him a small smile.

During the following weeks the conditions in the house improved. It grow clean and tidy, the laundry got done and the quality of the food became remarkably better. The quiet hostility Lucius felt from Molly didn't bother him, as long as she fulfilled her tasks she could feel whatever she liked toward him. Luna seemed happier, quite frequently giving him her small smiles and nods which made it easier to feel that there actually were some kind of communication between them, though she still refused to speak to him. Lucius had purposely not said anything about Luna's silence to Molly, knowing full well that she would raise concerns if she couldn't get Luna to speak, but Mrs. Weasley said nothing about it. The conclusion could only be that Luna did talk to Molly when Lucius wasn't around, a thought that nettled him, but that he didn't know what to do about. Perhaps he could use crude force to make her talk, but it became increasingly important to him that she would choose to speak to him on her own accord, even if that day would never come.


	5. Chapter 5

Life went on for a while in something that certainly wasn't normality or happiness, but what could perhaps be called bearable. Luna continued to explore the old wardrobes in Malfoy Manor and Lucius found a small and very secret delight in looking forward to what kind of outdated fashions she would wear next dinnertime. She also started to redecorate their bedroom in the same quirky style as she had already done her living room. It wasn't to Lucius taste, not really, but he let her be. Without question the room started to feel much nicer than the impersonal guest room it had been before. He decided that as long as she kept to the private rooms of the house, she could do what she liked. For the moment being it didn't matter, even if he had started to wonder a bit about the future.

There was a question that loomed larger and larger; What on earth was he going to do with Luna and for that matter also Molly, in the end? One day the war would be over and when Potter was dead, life would get back to normal. He didn't need, for all practical purposes, a mute girl fluttering around his house in peculiar clothes. He didn't need a hostile housekeeper that would probably turn on him if she got the slightest chance. He needed a woman who could be the same elegant social hostess as his wife had been. He needed a well trained staff to keep his house in splendour. He had a place in society that put demands on him and eventually he would have to stop isolate himself. He would have to open up his house and he needed to marry again. It dawned on him that it was a very peculiar order the Dark Lord had given him when he had been given Luna. Why had his master even bothered to issue such an order? Lucius was a Malfoy after all and suitable brides would never be lacking for a man of his position and name. There had been no need to foster this highly unsuitable girl upon him. Was it really such a well-thought idea? It was a dangerous thought and Lucius resolutely pushed it away, the Dark Lord's orders were not meant to be questioned.

But whatever reason there was behind it, Lucius knew he couldn't let Luna go now. How she had managed to do it, he couldn't understand, but her presence in his life was the only thing in it that gave him any comfort. Every moment of the day, from waking up in the morning to going to bed at night, he needed to fight his unwanted memories. Whatever he did, somewhere in his mind he always pushed back and the only time when he could stop was when he touched Luna. Feeling her body against his, inhaling her scent, only then could he forget himself for a while and after that he could sleep. The only other option was to drink himself into a stupor that left him shattered for days if he didn't keep up the drinking, Luna was an altogether more pleasant solution.

What she felt about it, he didn't know. Still mindful of Molly's words and being quite proud of having always been considered a good lover, he tried to make sure that Luna found it enjoyable as well. He had a notion that she had been a virgin the first night, or at least that was what he thought when he tried to recollect what had happened with Luna's reactions in mind. He was not a beast, he was civilised man and he had always tried to treat her gently, but though she never flinched or tried to evade him, she didn't meet his advances either. It didn't matter, though, he couldn't get enough of her and wouldn't be able to let her go, even if he one day married someone else. And where would she go, even he could give her up? She wouldn't be allowed to return to her father or to school. If he gave her up she would be handed over to the bed of another Death Eater and that he could never permit.

For a while Lucius entertained a pleasant fantasy of installing Luna in a nice little house somewhere, cared for by Molly who would undoubtedly do that very well. He could go there when he wanted, perhaps he could even travel a bit. He imagined Luna's face lit with interest as he showed her the beautiful works of the most famous wizard artists in Europe. Perhaps it would even delight her enough to make her speak to him. And if there were children, well, it was easier to imagine bright, fair children given to him by Luna, than any shadowy offspring from a yet unknown future wife. Molly would care for them too, if he wanted to take Luna somewhere, she had after all brought up several healthy children, she must have a knack for it.

It was a beautiful dream and it was an impossible one. There would never be any travels and when it came to children, Luna could not be allowed to rear them. By the end of the day she was a blood traitor and her dangerous ideas could never be instilled in a child born to a Malfoy. And for the moment, the war was still raging, making any plans for the future something highly unstable. Potter were still at large and the Dark Lord was growing increasingly more volatile and his patience were growing thinner by the day. To be in his presence took its toll, even for someone as skilled in Occlumency and well versed in saying the right things as Lucius were. Not much was needed to awake Voldemort's anger and he demanded more and more of his minions. For long periods of time Lucius was forced to stay away from home, getting little sleep and nourishment.

It was after such a long absence he returned to Malfoy Manor in the late afternoon after having been forced to stay away for several days. He could feel his weariness as an almost physical thing, making his whole body ache. As he walked up to his house he wished only for such simple joys as a bath, clean clothes and eating one of Molly's excellent dinners in the company of Luna. But the rest he craved was not to be, not yet. He had returned with a burden and a task and though he dreaded it, he must go through with that before he did anything else.

He placed what he had brought with him very carefully on one of the long benches in the hallway and then he went in search of Mrs. Weasley. As he had expected he found her in the kitchen were she was preparing the dinner. Luna was there as well, looking unusually bright eyed and animated, but when she saw him her face quickly returned to its usual solemn expression. Molly looked surprised and somewhat suspicious, it was not Lucius usual habit to visit his kitchen. In fact, he realised, he had not been there since he had been a small boy, a time when every room in his home had held a fascination, even those occupied by servants.

He stood in silence for a few moments. There was no reason to why he should find this difficult, but he still hesitated before he spoke. "Mrs. Weasley, I have to tell you that your son Charlie was arrested five days ago. He was interrogated at length but as he showed no desire to provide the Dark Lord with answers to the questions he was asked, he was executed as a blood traitor, earlier today"


	6. Chapter 6

As Lucius spoke, all colour drained from Molly's face. She said nothing, just shook her head slowly in mute denial of what he had told her. Luna slipped up beside her and Molly embraced her hard, though she still stared at Lucius as if she hoped he would retract his words.

"You will find his body in the hall, I am sure you want to see to his funeral yourself."

Molly shook her head again, but this time quickly as if she wanted to clear it as if those words were even harder to comprehend. "You did what? He's here? You brought him here?"

Lucius stepped aside to let her out of the kitchen and Molly almost ran though the door, with Luna in tow. When he followed them to the hall he found Molly kneeling at her son's side, tenderly stroking his face. In death, Charlie's face looked peaceful as if he had not endured days of torture before the killing curse had ended his life, a paradox Lucius has noted before. The most forbidden curse ought to mark the body, but instead it left its victim looking at peace with their destiny. Narcissa, he remembered suddenly and painfully, had looked peaceful too.

Lucius felt very uncomfortable, he felt he had no place so close to the woman's grief, but he had to tell her something one more thing. "My gardens are big and I am sure you can find a suitable place somewhere in it. Please, feel free to choose a place that you think may suit"

Molly didn't answer him, but Luna looked up at him and nodded and Lucius left, fleeing the dark room for the light and fresh air outside. He stayed there, just outside the doors to keep his own vigil and eventually Molly and Luna came out with Charlie's body floating in the air before them, aided by Molly's stunted wand. He watched them until they disappeared from view behind the hedges, but he stayed in place. His hunger and tiredness seemed to have been banished and he kept waiting wrapped in his thoughts as the afternoon slowly crept towards evening.

Lucius had never planned to take Charlie's body home. He had not been satisfied with the way the capture of the young man had been handled, that was s true. In the end, Charlie Weasley was a pure blood and as such he ought to have been given the chance to talk before more violent persuasions took place. Lucius had wanted to be in charge of the interrogation himself, he had felt certain that he could have had some good results, especially as he could have used Molly's presence in his home for leverage, but he had not been allowed to. Instead Voldemort had questioned Charlie himself and in his impatience disregarded all subtlety. Charlie had not talked. He had screamed and cried and begged, but he had not talked and in the end the Dark Lord had lost the little patience he possessed and killed him. For Lucius it had been a distasteful experience, which surprised him, he could not recall being so affected by a situation like this before. It felt wrong to so offhandedly kill a pure-blood wizard, blood traitor or not. He ought to have been imprisoned and given the way to change his beliefs, not to be slaughted like he had been a common mudblood. The secret dismay Lucius felt must somehow have leaked through the barriers he had set up in his mind, because when it was all over, the Dark Lord had turned to him.

"Lucius, as you are used to getting rid of bodies, why don't you clean up here."

Lucius had bowed, of course, but humiliation burned in him. A Malfoy should not be treated like a lowly servant, but he said nothing, ignoring the smirks from his fellow Death Eaters as they all left, leaving him with the body. He had watched it for a while, wondering what to do with it and then he thought of Molly. It was her son, she could take care of him. She would want to take care of him and Lucius could get rid of the unwanted task altogether. He had never pitied Mrs. Weasley for her losses, feeling that she deserved none as she still had children left. Now he wondered if her situation wasn't worse than his own. He had lost his family, the worst had already happened. The worry he had felt for Draco every single day since he first held his infant son in his arms, that worry was gone now, replaced with sorrow. For Molly, however, her grief had brought no relief from the worries. Every day must bring a new waiting for the worst possible news. For the news he had brought her today. And tomorrow she would be waiting again, waiting and worrying for the five children she still had alive. Lucius didn't like Molly Weasley, but in that moment he did feel a small measure of sympathy for her.

It was nearly dark when Molly and Luna returned. They walked slowly, Luna's arm wrapped around the older woman's waist. They passed Lucius without a glance, at first he thought they didn't even notice him, but as the threshold Molly stopped.

"Thank you," she said without turning her head, before they went inside. Lucius stayed for a while longer, until night had completely fallen. Luna would stay with Molly tonight, he was sure of that, and he felt no inclination to find her and make her sleep with him. Instead he retreated to his library with a bottle of fire whiskey, to try to find sleep with its help.


	7. Chapter 7

Lucius woke up in his armchair the next morning, his head pounding. Stiff and a bit disoriented and with a foul taste in his mouth it took him a few moments to realize that he must have fallen asleep where he sat. Too much to drink, much too much. He sat very still, keeping his eyes closed and slowly started to collect his memories of the previous day, but then he felt something touching his arm lightly and he looked up, straight into Luna's silvery eyes. She was holding a cup of steaming tea and when he looked up she offered it to him. Lucius accepted it, just the scent of the hot drink made him feel more awake. Unexpectedly he also felt rather touched. Once Narcissa had used to bring him tea when he sat up late working and he used to chide her, telling her that it was the servant's job, but they had both known that it had been an expression of love. Luna's thoughtfulness brought the memory of it back and with it a realization that this was the first act of kindness anyone had given him since the day his family had died. The unaccustomed feeling of gratefulness made him look at her a bit more closely, observing that even if she looked her usual calm, she was even paler than usual and it was clear to Lucius that she must have cried only recently. Of course, she must have known Charlie, must have known all the Weasleys and it should not surprise him that she was affected by his death.

"Wait!" Luna, who had turned to leave stopped and looked at him with some surprise. "How are you? How do you feel?"

For a moment he actually thought she would answer him, but she only made a little half-shrug before she disappeared. Having lived with her for so many months Lucius though he was quite right to interpret that as "I'm not so well, but I will get by."

The house grew very, very quiet the following days. Though he had never talked with Molly expect giving her orders, she had still been a presence that hummed and talked with Luna in the background. Now she shrank into herself, growing almost as quiet as Luna. Even the sullen rebellion was gone in her eyes. Luna, who hardly could speak less, stopped even with her rare smiles, but Lucius noticed that she often looked at him, quick searching glances and he wondered what she was looking for, or what she was seeing.

Soon after Charlies's death, Lucius started to dream nightmares, dreaming about Charlie in the last moments of his life. Lucius woke up from them cold and shivering, but they didn't start to alarm him until Charlie was replaced with Luna. Silently she tossed and turned as the Cruciatus Curse s hit her over and over, moving slowly as if she was under water, with her long hair floating around her face. From those dreams he woke up with his heart pounding straight into a new and growing fear, the fear that he would very soon be forced to see in life what he dreamed about at night.

The Dark Lord still searched for Harry Potter and though Luna had been a captive for so long she was still one of Potter's closest friends. It was only a matter of time before everyone who knew him would be pulled before the Dark Lord so he could extract as much information as possible about his enemy. True, Molly was much more likely to be chosen first, but though Lucius didn't care for the woman, he hated the thought of Luna's reaction if her friend was taken away. And after Molly, it would be Luna's turn. Sooner or later he would receive the order to bring her to Voldemort. She wouldn't talk, Lucius was sure she wouldn't, and that bravery would only ensure her a long and painful death. And Lucius wouldn't be able to protect her and he wouldn't be able to save her.

The world became a strange place, long exhausting days where Lucius spent all his energy on shielding his mind from any probing, knowing that some of his thought were very dangerous for his health indeed. Every effort he could think of he used in trying to find Harry Potter. If the boy could finally be dealt with, if the Dark Lord could have his victory, then Luna would be safe. But how tired his hard work made him, his nights brought no rest anymore, the nightmares seemingly hovering to assault him as soon as he managed to fall asleep.

After a while the dreams changed again, as if they had fulfilled their purpose in making him fear for Luna's life in his waking hours- his nightmares had more to tell him. Instead of Luna it was now Draco, crying and begging and Lucius stood beside the Dark Lord mute and helpless. He knew in his dreams that Draco was already dead, but it didn't stop the anguish at seeing his son being tormented so. One night he dreamt that Draco was dead, lying on the ground just as he had been after the battle at Hogwarts. Though everything was dark around them, he could see Draco clearly, the boy's eyes still open and at his side stood Luna, looking at him with that searching gaze he had seen lately, but then she kneeled down, closing Draco's eyes, but by then she wasn't Luna anymore. It was Narcissa kneeling there, weeping silently and clutching the body to her chest. Lucius stood there unable to move, unable to share his wife's grief as he knew what would happen next, knew it because it had already happen. He wanted it to stop, he wanted to run away, but he couldn't move. He just stood there, watching his wife crying, as the darkness slowly rolled away from them and more and more Death Eaters clustered around them. And behind him, Lucius knew, stood the Dark Lord himself, and knew that even before he heard that cold voice from behind.

"Your wife has betrayed me, Lucius. She lied about Potter. She is a traitor and deserves only death."

The people around them murmured and shrank back from the Malfoy's, living and dead they were suddenly something dangerous to be around, as if they carried a deadly disease. Lucius swallowed and gripped his wand; it felt slippery and unwilling under his hand. He knew what he had to do, knew it, but couldn't get himself to move his arm and summoning the words. Then Narcissa slowly started to raise her head to look at him. That was wrong, she had not done that. She had not reacted to anything that happened around her, had never acknowledges the Dark Lord's words at all. But now, in Lucius dream, she looked up and he panicked, knowing that if he met his wife's eyes, all would be lost, all his resolve would be gone and then he woke up.

He woke up, sitting in his bed gasping for breath. The memories he had fought back for so long flooded his mind, he couldn't stop them anymore and he threw himself out of the bed, scrambling over the floor as if it would be possible to run away. Then he stopped and with his hands over his face he finally had to remember the very last moment of his Narcissa's life. It lasted an eternity, or perhaps it was just seconds, it felt like he was drowning in his memories, lost in them, but then someone took one of his cold hands, clasping it with two warm ones and a little bit of the warmth seeped into his skin and pulled him back. Lucius became aware of his surroundings again, he was kneeling on the floor and Luna was kneeling in front of him, in the moonlight from the window she looked ethereal, a silver spectre ready to dissolve in front of his eyes, but she still held his hand and she was warm and real. She looked at him for a little while, and then she suddenly spoke;

"You know you can't go on keeping it all inside you. You must let it out now."


	8. Chapter 8

They kneeled together in the dark room. A small part of Lucius brain registered that this was Luna speaking at last, but at the moment it wasn't important. The terrors of the nightmare had morphed into the very real terror of his own memories and that shadowed everything else.

"I can't talk about it, it will tear me apart."

"It is already tearing you apart. Can't you feel that? I can and it won't be better if you don' speak about it."

For a moment they both sat in silence, Lucius trying to form sentences out of the words that floated in his mind. A wall had tumbled down somewhere inside him and he knew that Luna was right, this was not something he could keep inside him any longer. Still, it still felt as it was more than he could cope with to say it straight out. Instead he asked her something that he had been thinking of from time to time.

"You don't hate me, do you?"

"No."

"You should, but you are not even afraid of me. Why are you not afraid of me?"

"I was a bit, in the beginning. But then I saw how sad you were and I stopped being afraid. No one should be so sad all alone"

This was something Lucius had would never have guessed. "Is that why you try to comfort me?"

"I think so. When my mother died I had my father and he had me. We talked about her all the time and that helped."

"I can't talk about it to you. If you know, then you will hate me and I couldn't stand that."

Luna looked at him sincerely: "I think you need to anyway."

Lucius could feel Luna's grip on his hand tighten as the silence stretched out between them, their roles suddenly reversed with Luna waiting for him to speech. She was right, he knew that. Having allowed his memories to emerge he knew that he needed to share them too, there was no turning back now. When he finally spoke the words came slowly and with many pauses.

"My wife lied to the Dark Lord. She told him Harry Potter was dead when he was still alive. She wanted so desperately to get inside Hogwarts so she could find out what had happened to Draco. Such a foolish thing to do, she must have understood that the he would find out. Lying to him may be a death sentence under the very best of terms. And all for nothing, Draco must already have been dead by then. She didn't care anyway, and when we found our son, well, after that I don't think she noticed anything else. I don't think she ever knew what happened. I hope she never knew. She never looked up, she just cried and cried."

And there it was, finally, the last moments of Narcissa's life. "I killed my wife, Luna. I loved her so much and I killed her." Lucius started to talk faster. "It was a mercy. The death curse works so quickly, I don't think there is any pain even. If I hadn't done it, then she would have been tortured and it can take a human being so very long time to die. I have seen that and I couldn't stand it happening to Narcissa, even if she was a traitor. I did it so she wouldn't suffer."

He fell silent. Luna said nothing either, she just continued to look at him and he found that there was more to say, the last uncomfortable, no unbearable, truth. "I did it to spare her, but that's not all, though. I killed her to save myself. I thought had no choice, can you see that? If I hadn't done it, then I would have been condemned with her. I was too afraid of dying, but I lost everything and what is the point if there is no one left? I loathe almost every second of it and the only thing that makes it bearable is you. And now you know and I've lost even that."

Lucius had prepared for Luna to recoil, to try to free herself, but she just shook her head. "I don't hate you"

"But in the end you will. The Dark Lord will send for you soon if he can't find Potter. I already failed to save my family and I won't be able to do anything for you either. Do you think I have any real power? All I have is what the Dark Lord allows me to have."

But Luna shook her head again. "You will protect me."

"You are naïve to think that."

Luna looked serenely back. "I don't think, I know."

It was Lucius turn to shake his head. "You are a very strange girl, do you know that?"

That elicited a smile. "Yes. Though most people say peculiar or crazy. Strange is better"

Lucius closed his eye for a moment. Luna's hands were still warm in his, but the room was cold and he shivered. He realized that all the emotions had drained him completely and he wondered how he was ever going to be able to move.

"I'm cold", he said without opening his eyes.

"We will go back to bed then." Luna stood up, pulling Lucius hand with her and he found that her grip was help enough to shamble up to his feet and toward the bed. He more fell on it than lay down and when Luna crept down beside him he pulled her close, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She twisted her head so it rested more comfortably on his shoulder and let her own arm encircle his breast. He stroke her hair, finally acknowledging the unexpected change in her demeanor.

"You speak to me."

"Yes. I just didn't really have anything to say to you before."

Despite all the turmoil, or perhaps because of it, Lucius slept well that night. No dreams, nightmarish or otherwise kept him awake the rest of the night.


	9. Chapter 9

Lucius woke up early, finding to his surprise that Luna was still sleeping wrapped in his arms. He slipped out of the bed slowly, taking care not to disturb her, intent on leaving before she woke up, but instead he remained standing at the end of the bed, looking at her. Luna had turned to her back, one of her arms carelessly flung over her head, the hand with its palm up with the fingers slightly curled. Draco had slept like that, Lucius remembered suddenly, a long time ago, the sleep of a child that is secure that nothing would harm him in his slumber. As he watched her, he saw Luna for what he had always known she was, but had chosen to ignore, as a very young girl, younger than his son even. She ought to be in school, not here. And she ought to live with her parent, not him. It suddenly seemed strange to Lucius that he had never thought of the plight Xenophilius Lovegood must feel over his daughter's fate. Because he must knew, must have learned about it, because his jailers would not forego such chance to taunt him. Did he wake up every morning raging over how powerless he was in protecting his child? He must be, Lucius thought, because that was a loving father's duty and the fear he must feel for his daughter must be crippling. And yet, for some reason, some unfathomable reason, Luna slept like she was safe and Lucius knew, then and there, that he had to honour this undeserved trust she had put in him.

He could not sleep with her again now, he knew that too. He would want her to his dying day, he felt, but this night and this morning he had passed an invisible threshold and it was too late. Too late for far too many things, but to try to put what he could right. He went to tell Molly to clean his old bedroom, expecting her to say something about it, probably something bordering on snide, but she said nothing, only giving him a curt nod and when Lucius left her, throwing over his shoulder an order to have Luna eat her meals with her, from now on, she merely looked surprised, but made no comment on that either. He wasn't sure why he had made that last order. Luna was finally talking to him, at last he would be able to get to know what thoughts, curious thoughts, no doubt, his strange little girl had, but he was afraid that spending more time with her would make it all much more difficult, now when he knew that he was letting her go.

But it was not just to open the locked doors and let her out. She had no one to go to, her friends either captured, dead or hiding. She wouldn't' know where to find them and it would only be a matter of time before she was caught again and it would all end up even worse for her. He had an idea that might work, but that was an idea that needed him to wait, he could not rush it and though impatience and a fear that it would be too late when the right moment came, he could do nothing more than to wait.

The bedroom he had shared with Narcissa looked exactly the same as it always had. Molly had cleaned it and changed the bed linens, but his wife's belongings were as she had left them that last day. He wandered through the room, touching things and letting memories flood over him. All those years and so many memories. His happiest memories belonged to this room and now when he didn't have to try pushing them away; Lucius found he was re-living his life once again in his thoughts. At first he thought it would be unbearable, but though the memories cut like knives in his heart, he found that the pain allowed him to finally grieve his lost family and in the days that followed he spent all his spare moments thinking of his wife and son. He half expected Narcissa to appear in his dreams, rightfully accusing him of what he had done, but his sleep was undisturbed. It was waking up that was the worst, because back in his own bed habitually woke up thinking for a few moments that Narcissa was sleeping beside him, before he remembered and bleak reality set in again.

The plan he had forged, the only plan he could think of, was not even a very good plan. He could see its flaws, how much it depended on sheer luck and for every day he was forced to wait, the risks with it grew. So many things could go wrong, so the morning he left a meeting with Voldemort, finally treasuring the nugget of information he had been waiting for, he could almost not believe that he was allowed to return home, that no one spotted his elation and figured out that something was wrong. 

He found, as he had suspected, both Luna and Molly in Luna's living room. They were both seated in the sofa at the window, Molly knitting and Luna drawing, but they both stopped when he came in. Lucius had been unable to think of any good way to say what he had to say, so he started quite abruptly.

"Potter and his friend are currently hiding in Gwydyr Forest and the Dark Lord knows this and tonight, by nightfall, he will attack. You will have plenty of time to warn Potter if you leave now. The wards are down and once outside the grounds you will be able to apparate."

From the inside of his robe he pulled the wand that had been taken from Luna when she had been kidnapped from the Hogwarts Express. He held it out to her. "Here. I'm not sure if it still is yours, but you can at least try."

Luna took it with a smile, swung it through the air and in an instant the room was filled with small silver butterflies that emerged from the tip of the wand. Luna laughed in joy and even Molly smiled at the sight.

"Still yours then" Lucius couldn't help smiling as well. "Good."

"But," Molly said with a frown, "Why are you doing this? Why are you letting us go? And to warn Harry too. Is this some kind of trick? A very crude one, then, I think."

"It's not a trick. I find that I care for very little anymore, but I care for Luna. And though there are no safe places anymore, I think she will be safest with her friends. That's the only reason to why I'm letting you go."

"I still don't understand. The Death Eaters will know what you have don't won't they? You are betraying you own side if you let us go. Why are you staying here? Why don't you come with us? You are a very able wizard and you could do a lot of good."

"Of course he can't," Luna said but Molly didn't let go.

"Why not? Harry wouldn't be so petty as to reject someone who had changed his mind."

Lucius raised his hand. "Exactly Mrs. Weasley, but you expect that I have changed my way of thinking, and that is wrong. I may have grown disillusioned with the Dark Lord, but I will never believe anything else than that you are all making a very dangerous mistake when you say that blood doesn't matter. Perhaps not now, but in a few generations it will show, and you will regret it."

He paused, and then decided to elaborate. "You and I are not that different in some ways, you know, we both wanted to what was best for our children. You still have children to fight for, but I failed to protect my son. I will not fail Luna, but I could never follow a half-blood. Another half-blood. I will not survive this, but I don't mind anymore."

Molly nodded thoughtfully. "I think I see." Then, to his surprise, she took a step closer and held out her hand. "Good bye, Mr. Malfoy."

Lucius shook her hand, then, on an impulse, hold on to it a moment longer. "Another thing. I realise that it is unlikely that it will ever be possible, but if you can, will you make sure that I'm buried with my family?"

"Yes. Yes, of course" Than she gave his hand one last squeeze and looked at Luna. "I will wait outside"

There were, Lucius felt, many things he would like to say to Luna, most of them very short sentences like; forgive me, or don't forget me or, I love you. Even, though he knew the impossibility in it; if you promise to stay with me, I will fight for you in whatever fight you want. It wouldn't be fair to put such burden on her. Her kindness and compassion was not love, and he doubted that she would even consider such a proposition. It was just a flicker of a dream and in his heart of hearts he knew that what he had decided on were the right one.

So he stood mute, but Luna bestowed him with her wonderful smile and said "Thank you".

Then she stepped into his arms, embracing him on her own accord for the first time. Lucius closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her slight body against his. Cool lips pressed against his mouth, a fleeting taste of honey and then she was gone. He remained standing with his eyes closed until his senses told him that she was gone, completely gone from his house. He put the wards up again, reinforcing them as much as he could. There was a few hours left until he would be missed, a little more time yet until the Dark Lord would find Potter warned and vanished. He would probably connect that with his missing Death Eater very quickly, his growing paranoia would make sure of that. In any case, to not obey a summoning would be a death sentence. Then he and his minions would come and the Malfoys would cease to exist.

Lucius walked slowly through his home and then the gardens, before he went to look for the pictures of his family that he had put away. He selected those of his wife and son that he had always loved the most and put them on the mantelpiece in the library. Then he returned to Luna's room to collect the self-portrait she had hung on the wall. He thought a little before conjuring a slender silver frame for it, and placed it with the portraits of Narcissa and Draco. By then the mark on his arm had started to burn, and as he walked a last time around the ground floor, sealing his house against intruders as well as he could, the pain grew stronger and stronger. He ignored it, seating himself so he could see the faces of his family. Perhaps it was the growing pain and all the months of tension and grief, but he imagined that he wasn't alone. Behind him, he felt sure, his long gone relatives were lining up, lending him strength in his vigil. Perhaps it was just his longing for her, but Narcissa's perfume wafted through the room and he imagined that she was there too, waiting for him. Perhaps he could even be forgiven when they met again. It wouldn't be long now, the room darkened and his arm burned and Lucius, the last of the Malfoys, waited.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes when I read fics I wonder why the author has chosen to depict the characters in a particular way. As a writer of fanfics, the characters are already there, we are borrowing from someone's original work, but we also interpret the characters ourselves. Sometimes filling in gaps, sometimes making a certain characteristics more dominant and, at times, completely disregarding the original author's idea and making something new. I aim, in my writing, to stay true to the original character, but my interpretation may not be the same as yours. So, if you are interested, here are a bit of my thoughts behind this fanfic.
> 
> This fic started out when someone wrote to me and asked if I couldn't make a Lucius/Luna romance. As they are two of my favourite Harry Potter characters I was intrigued by the idea, but as you know by now, this didn't really turn out a romance. And the stumbling block was how I see these two characters.
> 
> One of the most important aspects of Lucius character is his capability to love. He is not a psychopath; he genuinely loves his family, though he is also a bigot, a coward and a racist. You could choose to see all his actions as driven by his love for family, he could very well genuinely believe that a world without muggle-born and half-bloods would be a better place for his loved ones. Is he evil? Perhaps. Is he a sadist? Not necessarily. In my fic here, he is neither evil, not a sadist, though he is not a very nice man. It never made it into the fic, but I had originally planned to write in some more background history with a very dominant father who brought him up to feel superior over pretty much everyone and it was certainly in my mind when I wrote. I have taken the liberty in events by making this an AU-fic, but I can actually see him killing people he loves, for fear and for love, but I think it would take a great toll on him.
> 
> Luna is a girl who has been bullied. In the books her reaction to her bullies is one that I recognise, she withdraws from them mentally, keeping her personality intact, but quite hidden. It seemed to me to be a natural progress for her to stop speaking completely, not being very chatty to begin with. She truly is in an awful situation, she has been locked up for months, her family and friends are imprisoned or on the run and she is unable to protect her body. When she refuses to speak she protects herself from Lucius in a way that he can't touch. Another aspect of Luna's personality that I find essential is her empathy and her ability to believe. Any other person would hate Lucius and fear him, but it would be very Luna-like, to me, to have her pick up on his grief and feel sorry for him and it would also be natural to her to believe that he could be a better man. And so he becomes one. I still don't think he could change too much. His belief system is too ingrained, too much part of him and that, to me, put a stop to any happy ending I might have wished for. I don't, however, think Luna could ever fall in love with Lucius because there are nothing in him that would appeal to her in a romantically. I think she would forgive him, though.
> 
> So, this story is not a romance, even if Lucius ends up loving Luna. It is a story for Lucius to re-deem himself, but to do so within the limits of his personality. I can only hope that I have managed to convey this and that you have enjoyed the story.


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